QUOTE (rasec008 @ Jan 18 2006, 11:48 AM)
FACT: Chuck Norris was originally born in 1916 with the name Zander Washington in a small town in upstate South Dakota to a Baptist minister named Clarence. It was the only immaculate conception by a man ever recorded in the history of South Dakota.
It was his father who taught him at a young that despite the fact that he was born with martial arts skills Joseph's Recent Articles:
See All which far exceed those of any mere human, he should always be companionate to those who have no martial arts skills.
However, Chuck Norris’ father was soon drafted into WWI where he was an air force ace pilot until he was shot down over the North Pole. At the age of two, young Chuck Norris single-handedly defeated the entire German Army in retaliation for his father’s death.
At the age of 9 Chuck Norris learned the ability to dodge bullets.
At the age of 12 Chuck Norris learned the ability to locate drug runners anywhere within a 150 mile radius of himself.
At the age of 15 Chuck Norris learned the ability of invisibility.
At the age of 18 Chuck Norris attended a community college where he earned an associates degree in law enforcement.
After Chuck Norris graduated from the community college (magna cum laude) Chuck Norris traveled the world to “find himself” and saw such exotic locales as Indonesia, Pakistan, and Detroit, where he met Tim Allen who taught him the finely tuned arts of the cocaine industry.
Word of Chuck Norris’ unparalleled skills had traveled far and wide and champion fighters from all over the world were seeking him out to try and oust him. Among the many that fell before Chuck Norris were film stars Bruce Lee and Steve McQueen. Bruce Lee talked so much trash about almost beating Chuck Norris that Chuck Norris felt he must teach Bruce Lee a lesson and made his heart exploded with a really rough beard rub.
By this time the Vietnam War had erupted in Southeast Asia and Chuck Norris was called upon to serve his country once again. The film “Missing in Action” was a documentary of how Chuck Norris won the Vietnam War.
For his services in defending the foreign enemies of the United States of America, Chuck Norris was given the highest honor any man with a beard has ever received; he was made into an action figure. Not just any action figure, one with a bulging package and life-like karate movements.
Chuck Norris was once again called upon to wage a one man war when President Bill Clinton declared that we would be starting a “War on Drugs.” As everyone knows any enemy of America is an enemy of Chuck Norris so Chuck Norris put on his best fighting jeans and combat headband and dove headfirst into a world of pot smugglers and poorly choreographed fight sequences.
Once when Chuck Norris was fighting a feisty small arms dealer he got stabbed in the chest to reveal that his heart is made of pure 24 carat gold. He then sewed up his own gaping chest wound.
Chuck Norris drank every drop of alcohol in the state of Okalahoma in order to save the children from the evils of temptation, and because he was thirsty.
The hair on Chuck Norris’ chest is the smoothest and most prized fur on the planet. People have bid millions of dollars to be able to make a rug out of it when he dies, unfortunately Chuck Norris cannot die.