Funny Conspiracy Theories

Posted: Jan 17 2006, 12:51 AM
http://www.2spare.com/item_43133.aspx

My personal favorite

Esoteric Hitlerists and conspiracy theorists interested in Nazi mysticism and World War II have speculated that the Germans landed on the Moon as early as 1942.

According to other theories it is believed that the Nazis had made contact with 'half a dozen' alien races, including the malevolent Reptilians.
Posted: Jan 17 2006, 01:04 AM
Kentucky Fried Chicken makes black men impotent ohmy.gif Who am I going to sell my product to? user posted image
Posted: Jan 17 2006, 01:08 AM
Opportunist!
Posted: Jan 17 2006, 02:11 AM
Being a Mason, I get asked a lot of stupid questions. Like, "Do you have contact with the grays (aliens)?" and "Are you guys really trying to take over the world?" I also get asked if we worship demons or Lucifer on a regular basis. Google the words 'Freemasons consipiracy" and you'll see all kinds of crap. Oh, the answer to all of the above; Absotively, posilutely not.
Posted: Jan 17 2006, 02:59 AM
QUOTE (2WarVet @ Jan 17 2006, 02:11 AM)
Being a Mason, I get asked a lot of stupid questions. Like, "Do you have contact with the grays (aliens)?" and "Are you guys really trying to take over the world?" I also get asked if we worship demons or Lucifer on a regular basis. Google the words 'Freemasons consipiracy" and you'll see all kinds of crap. Oh, the answer to all of the above; Absotively, posilutely not.

Do you live in a nuthouse? Or in an area otherwise heavily populated with retards?
Posted: Jan 17 2006, 03:12 AM
Charlemagne never existed, is a fictional character

Phantom time hypothesis is a theory developed by Heribert Illig which suggests that the Early Middle Ages (614–911 CE) never occurred, meaning that all artifacts attributed to this time period were from other times, and all historical figures were outright fabrications.

One consequence of Illig's hypothesis is that Charlemagne never existed but is a fictional character. The vast majority of historians believe this theory to be complete fiction, as all cited evidence can be considered circumstantial.
Posted: Jan 17 2006, 04:52 AM
QUOTE (Animus @ Jan 17 2006, 02:59 AM)
Do you live in a nuthouse? Or in an area otherwise heavily populated with retards?

lol.gif lol.gif
Posted: Jan 17 2006, 10:56 AM
QUOTE (2WarVet @ Jan 17 2006, 03:11 AM)
Oh, the answer to all of the above; Absotively

ohmy.gif
Posted: Jan 17 2006, 03:42 PM
I kind of believe the faked moon landing by the US in '69. I guess that makes me a moron, oh well. drink.gif
Posted: Jan 17 2006, 04:55 PM
Martin Luther King is "a despicable hypocrite, an immoral degenerate, and a worthless charlatan."


And the sky is falling rolleyes.gif

http://www.martinlutherking.org/thebeast.html


QUOTE
According to Assistant Director Sullivan, who had direct access to the surveillance files on King which are denied the American people, King had embezzled or misapplied substantial amounts of money contributed to the "civil rights" movement. King used SCLC funds to pay for liquor, and numerous prostitutes both Black and White, who were brought to his hotel rooms, often two at a time, for drunken sex parties which sometimes lasted for several days. These types of activities were the norm for King's speaking and organizing tours.



lol.gif
Posted: Jan 17 2006, 04:57 PM
QUOTE (Animus @ Jan 17 2006, 02:59 AM)
Do you live in a nuthouse? Or in an area otherwise heavily populated with retards?

Sometimes, I wonder. But I've been asked that everywhere from my hometown in Ohio to California. People always try to tie Masons, Scottish Rite Masons and the modern Knights Templar to all kinds of conspiriacy theories.
Posted: Jan 17 2006, 05:20 PM
QUOTE (2WarVet @ Jan 17 2006, 05:57 PM)
Sometimes, I wonder. But I've been asked that everywhere from my hometown in Ohio to California. People always try to tie Masons, Scottish Rite Masons and the modern Knights Templar to all kinds of conspiriacy theories.

Where is your treasure burried?
Posted: Jan 17 2006, 06:35 PM
They left out my favorite - that the USSR had created a weather-controlling machine.

After the demise of the USSR, and subsequent economic downfall of Russia, forced the Ruskees to sell off their 'weather-controlling' machine to the highest bidder - the Japanese.

In 2005, the Japanese used this 'weather-controlling' machine to create hurricanes Katrina, Rita and Wilma in an attempt to destroy 2 major American cities. Figuring the gulf of Mexico was the easiest target, they created, than sent Katrina straight for New Orleans. Rita was suppossed to destroy Houston, but was pushed off path. In a second attempt at destroying another major American city, they created and once again tried to send another city-destroying hurricane (Wilma) into American landfall.

All of this was payback for the A-bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

rolleyes.gif

This post has been edited by AztecScientist on Jan 17 2006, 06:37 PM

Posted: Jan 17 2006, 07:35 PM
I hate this one

September 11 was orchestrated by the U. S. government

A number of urban myths, alternative hypotheses and conspiracy theories have been formulated to explain the events of September 11th:
# The U.S., Israel or Iraq government orchestrated the attacks themselves.
# The Twin Towers fell straight down, at close to free-fall speed. This is a similar characteristic of a controlled demolition. The dust cloud and its make up are considered un-characteristic of a gravity-driven collapse.
# It is often pointed out that no steel building before or since the 9-11 attack has collapsed as the result of fire.
# The rubble of the Twin Towers smoldered for weeks after the collapse. This claim is meant to point out that steel could only have smoldered as a result of pre-placed explosives.
# Some consider photographic evidence of the plane lying on the grounds of the Pentagon to be ambiguous and unconvincing, citing a visual lack of burnt metal, human remains, passenger's luggage or seats.
# The Pentagon was struck in a newly renovated, reinforced section. Some speculate this location, the west side of the complex, to be indicative of government involvement, noting it as an attempt to reduce casualties.
# Flight 77 was able to fly in the direction of the DC and Pentagon area for approximately 40 minutes without interception. This is thought to be unusual given the Pentagon's close proximity to Andrews Air Force Base.
# There are claims that anti-missile batteries at the Pentagon should have intercepted Flight 77.
# The FBI confiscated a video, which may have captured the impact, from a nearby gas station attended by Jose Velasquez. This video has not yet been released.
Posted: Jan 17 2006, 07:37 PM
QUOTE (usfhett99 @ Jan 17 2006, 05:20 PM)
Where is your treasure burried?

Oak Island tongue.gif
Posted: Jan 17 2006, 07:37 PM
Oh yeah

Microsoft sends messages on Wingdings Font

The Wingdings Font included with Windows has a history of controversy. In 1992, only days after the release of Windows 3.1, it was discovered that the character sequence "NYC" in Wingdings was rendered as Skull and crossbones symbol, Star of David, and thumbs up gesture. This could be interpreted as a message of approval of killing Jews, especially those from New York City.

Microsoft strongly denied this was intentional, and insisted that the final arrangement of the glyphs in the font was largely random. Various other combinations of Wingings characters are alleged to have special significance by conspiracy theorists, but these results are likely purely coincidental.

user posted image
Posted: Jan 17 2006, 11:17 PM
fact: more than 20 of the founding mothers of feminism, including susan b. anthony, were against abortion, anthony referred to abortion as "the horrible crime of child murder"

fact: in Jan. on '95 boris yeltsin activated the suitcase that contains codesfor launching nuclear missles at the u.s. before realizing the missles he believed to be headed towards him, were actually headed out to sea.
russias early warning systems are now worse than they were in '95. they need 21 satellites to have a complete network capable of detecting missle launches. as of '99 they only had 3.

theres probably a thread about this somewhere, but i read that in a book called "101 things the government doesnt want you to know" along with the lie detector being invented by the same person that created wonder woman and her golden lasso that makes you tell the truth, and being completely invalid, aids tests being 50% innacurate if you are at a low risk (not gay, or a drug addict), and the company that makes bayer selling heroin as a cough suppressant for almost 20 years.

This post has been edited by SecGal on Jan 17 2006, 11:20 PM

Posted: Jan 17 2006, 11:42 PM
FACT: One time when Chuck Norris was repelling from a helicopter to the top of a moving semi-truck he saw a kitten in the middle of the road about to be hit. Chuck Norris then picked up the truck and threw it into space where it collided with the MIR space station which fell into the Indian Ocean, because Chuck Norris loves kittens and hates Russians.

Posted: Jan 18 2006, 02:11 AM
QUOTE (donvito @ Jan 17 2006, 10:42 PM)
FACT: One time when Chuck Norris was repelling from a helicopter to the top of a moving semi-truck he saw a kitten in the middle of the road about to be hit. Chuck Norris then picked up the truck and threw it into space where it collided with the MIR space station which fell into the Indian Ocean, because Chuck Norris loves kittens and hates Russians.

ohmy.gif

my hero
Posted: Jan 18 2006, 03:37 AM
When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the Himalaya mountains. 9 months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history.
Posted: Jan 18 2006, 09:03 AM
Fact:
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs..and by the way Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

user posted image

This post has been edited by DgtlCalm on Jan 18 2006, 09:06 AM

Posted: Jan 18 2006, 10:48 AM
thread hijack?
Posted: Jan 18 2006, 11:00 AM
QUOTE (rasec008 @ Jan 18 2006, 11:48 AM)
thread hijack?

fiction!



FACT: Chuck Norris was originally born in 1916 with the name Zander Washington in a small town in upstate South Dakota to a Baptist minister named Clarence. It was the only immaculate conception by a man ever recorded in the history of South Dakota.

It was his father who taught him at a young that despite the fact that he was born with martial arts skills Joseph's Recent Articles:
See All which far exceed those of any mere human, he should always be companionate to those who have no martial arts skills.

However, Chuck Norris’ father was soon drafted into WWI where he was an air force ace pilot until he was shot down over the North Pole. At the age of two, young Chuck Norris single-handedly defeated the entire German Army in retaliation for his father’s death.

At the age of 9 Chuck Norris learned the ability to dodge bullets.

At the age of 12 Chuck Norris learned the ability to locate drug runners anywhere within a 150 mile radius of himself.

At the age of 15 Chuck Norris learned the ability of invisibility.

At the age of 18 Chuck Norris attended a community college where he earned an associates degree in law enforcement.


After Chuck Norris graduated from the community college (magna cum laude) Chuck Norris traveled the world to “find himself” and saw such exotic locales as Indonesia, Pakistan, and Detroit, where he met Tim Allen who taught him the finely tuned arts of the cocaine industry.

Word of Chuck Norris’ unparalleled skills had traveled far and wide and champion fighters from all over the world were seeking him out to try and oust him. Among the many that fell before Chuck Norris were film stars Bruce Lee and Steve McQueen. Bruce Lee talked so much trash about almost beating Chuck Norris that Chuck Norris felt he must teach Bruce Lee a lesson and made his heart exploded with a really rough beard rub.

By this time the Vietnam War had erupted in Southeast Asia and Chuck Norris was called upon to serve his country once again. The film “Missing in Action” was a documentary of how Chuck Norris won the Vietnam War.

For his services in defending the foreign enemies of the United States of America, Chuck Norris was given the highest honor any man with a beard has ever received; he was made into an action figure. Not just any action figure, one with a bulging package and life-like karate movements.

Chuck Norris was once again called upon to wage a one man war when President Bill Clinton declared that we would be starting a “War on Drugs.” As everyone knows any enemy of America is an enemy of Chuck Norris so Chuck Norris put on his best fighting jeans and combat headband and dove headfirst into a world of pot smugglers and poorly choreographed fight sequences.

Once when Chuck Norris was fighting a feisty small arms dealer he got stabbed in the chest to reveal that his heart is made of pure 24 carat gold. He then sewed up his own gaping chest wound.

Chuck Norris drank every drop of alcohol in the state of Okalahoma in order to save the children from the evils of temptation, and because he was thirsty.

The hair on Chuck Norris’ chest is the smoothest and most prized fur on the planet. People have bid millions of dollars to be able to make a rug out of it when he dies, unfortunately Chuck Norris cannot die.

Posted: Jan 18 2006, 03:31 PM
Chuck Norris once gave Bill Brasky a roundhouse to the face.
Posted: Jan 18 2006, 03:56 PM
Chuck Norris invented Bill Nye the Science Guy